The Meltdown

Hey Coffee Lovers!

It is officially June and the official start to summer is just around the corner!

While we are looking forward to the sunshine, I'm reminded to look to The Son (Jesus).

Many of you have read my blog post about my struggles with depression. And one of the ways I overcome that is through The Son. Knowing His love for me helps to get me through.

Recently, I ran back into the struggle. The holiday season came and went. I was faced with many different challenges with my children, some of which, went beyond your typical "just being a kid," issue.

One thing I can say as a mother is that I am aware that I can be overly harsh on my children when it comes to correcting them for things that they have done outside of the home. If the school, tutors, or coaches call, I am, not the mama who instantly defends their child. I always make it clear to the person calling that I would investigate the issue on the homefront. After all, any mama knows when her child is withholding the truth or embellishing. I address the bad behavior and help them understand what it is that they did wrong so that way they can move forward. Consequences vary.

When I told you that I had call after call about behavior, it was almost daily at one point. I felt like I was failing as a parent for my children to act out so much regardless of any possible consequence I would give them for their bad behavior, the continued.

Then, I realized something. I was not upset at the behavior, I was upset with how poorly it reflected on me. I was reminded that my children were not acting out because they wanted me to look bad. I was reminded that my children are individuals who have to navigate life on their own, and I am just here to help guide them.

Once I stopped feeling sorry for myself and taking the blame for things that were not in my control, I started feeling more like myself. I felt that I could once again help guide my children in love, and not from embarrassment.

Interesting fact about me; I despise whining to the core of my being and every time my children would do it something in me would snap. Any amount of patience that I had would disappear and I would be so angry. Until one day I came across something interesting. I cannot remember clearly if it was something I read or something I heard, but the woman said something to the effect of "Your children will throw tantrums, fits, and cry with you because you are their safe place. You are the one that they know no matter how bad their behavior is, you will love them." That hit me hard because I get the harshest emotions from my kids, and sometimes, my feelings would get hurt thinking that it isn't fair that I see the worst of them while the world gets the best of them. The statement above made me realize that although I feel like I'm failing at this mom thing, I somehow manage to continually be in a place where they don't have to wear a mask and their true feelings can take center stage.

This concept reminded me of how in recent months, I have thrown entire tantrums talking to God. I have wailed, screamed, and ugly cried. I have come completely unraveled more than once knowing that He is a God who understands and will not hold it against me.

These are the things that remind me that no matter how bad I think I am doing at this parenting thing, I'm succeeding. My success is knowing and seeing the visual evidence that despite their correction, they still choose me to express every emotion. Just knowing that they cannot wait to see me to tell me the good, the bad, and the ugly means the world to me.

Yes, there are days that I still get frustrated and "I can't deal with the whine!," but I'll take the whine over a mask any day when it comes to my tiny humans.

I share all of this to remind you that you are not failing at parenting because your kid throws tantrums. You are their safe space. Not everyone has children and I understand that, but there is a flip side to this: that friend that calls you in a puddle of tears, in distress, or just overall anytime they are in a bad situation. You, my dear, are their safe space. At some point, they decided that you were a soft place to land in times of need and that you would be able to carry that load and accept them with all of the tear stains and snot coming from their face. They know that no matter how bad things get, you will always be there to support them.

As a friend who often gets this call from different friends, I completely understand how draining this can be at times. I get that call along with dealing with the meltdown of my children as well. That is why it is so important to make sure that we are not dealing with these things from an empty cup. What I mean by that is you have to make sure that you are replenishing yourself at every chance you get. This keeps you nourished and healthy while you take care of others. Remember, when you are on a plane, it is important to secure your oxygen mask before you can help anyone else. Same concept.

You are a diamond and an irreplaceable gem. You are doing an incredible job and I just wanted to remind you of that. Next time someone is a puddle of tears before you, remember that you are the safe space, take a breath, and then engage them.

I pray that God will continue to strengthen you throughout the week and that you will be able to hear what it is that he is saying in the most unconventional ways.

Until next time friends!

Blessings,

Nia Grace <3